CONVERSATION: I almost forgot yesterday’s promise to discuss “Good Conversation” in today’s post. But I will, because quality conversation is a key element in meaningful relationships, and relationships are an essential part of this “Life-Charged Life.”

The context in yesterday’s post was afternoon tea with Rebekah. Hot tea – served with intentional love – can be the perfect vehicle for conversation (coffee also works well, iced-tea, or even a glass of water). The point is the intentionality, the act of serving, and the careful setting aside of everything else in order to devote a few minutes to active listening.

STARVED: So often our primary relationships are starved for attention. And, when the people we love get served leftovers when it comes to time, the result is relationships that are reconfigured – only this time around misunderstanding, assumptions, guesswork, brush-offs, misinterpretations, a lack of heart-level information; a growing misalignment based on partial information and the unsettling realization that you not only don’t have time for one-another but that you don’t really know each other any more.

Only we don’t think that way. Instead we say:

• “What do you mean I need to schedule deliberate, quality, conversation-time with my wife/husband?”
• “What do you mean it eventually destroys the relationship when we don’t talk?”
• “We’ll work on that kind of stuff after the kids grow up….”

LOST ART: One of the disquieting byproducts of our ready access to media is the absence of good conversation. We know more (rather, we have access to more information) yet we have less of substance to say to one-another because we’re so distracted.

Good conversation is an art-form that needs practice to pull off. In other words, it’s a skill we can develop and fine tune over time. And that’s good news, because every community – from the marriage to the family to the neighborhood to the church – can benefit from better conversation just as much as it is impoverished from its absence.

That’s why – at least once a day – Rebekah and I say, “Let’s meet in the tea room for a few minutes.” The tea room is simply a quiet conversation area in the house we have designated for such opportunities.

Here is where it pays to be deliberate. The point of regular conversation is that it’s not always about some impending crisis. If you’re not used to routine listening, make yourself a list of topics that you know will work. Here are a few ideas:

• “When you woke up this morning, what were you looking forward to about today?”
• “Tell me about your day today, what have you done/what do you have planned?”
• “What’s the most interesting news item you have heard/read/listened to in the past couple of days?”
• “If we were going to spend a week at the beach, what book would you take along to read?”
• “Share something about today that made you smile.”
• “If Jesus was sitting in that other chair, what would you want to talk about with him?”

THE POINT: The point is that we were created and designed to experience community. Community between two people, or a small group of people, depends on sharing, and on active listening.

Building community is probably the most important priority we have with our spouse – and it is typically the most neglected. Building community is not rocket science… but it does require intentionality and a little forethought.

Aren’t our primary relationships worth the effort? – DEREK