I will be your God throughout your lifetime—
Isaiah 46:4
until your hair is white with age.
I made you, and I will care for you.
I will carry you along and save you.
I’m not sure what direction I will be taking in today’s post, I just know that I have to write. This space often serves as my personal devotional/meditation process, thinking out loud as I put words on paper, so to speak.
Writing helps a lot; it heals and it clarifies. Often it is like a prayer. If my words help you too, then so much the better.
I really am struggling this morning with my mother’s ongoing situation. I am just so very sad. I also understand my particular circumstance is not unique, and that the challenge of how to best help our growing aged population is shared by hundreds of thousands of my counterparts in the sixty-something demographic.
At the same time, we have to count our blessings. Not many families have resources available to provide the level of comfort and care my mother receives. She is living in a beautiful home just five miles away, staffed by caring people. She has the best of everything, from medical to food to assisted living care to a lovely private room.
I visit every afternoon, and her friends come by almost every day.
Yet none of that matters when somebody is miserable. And all the care in the world is nothing like care at all if it is received as an unwelcome imposition. When help is viewed as intrusion then home becomes a prison and life is a sentence rather than an opportunity.
I can argue all day long that things are good, but it doesn’t really help because the truth is that “perception is reality” – and my mother’s perception is her reality.
Remembering to look up:
So I was driving home Tuesday afternoon, and about to turn on U.S. Highway 1A when I saw how amazing the sky appeared above the intersection.
The sky was dramatic, alive, beautiful, nuanced, with the clouds outlined in light from the sun moving down into the west. But had I not looked up it would not have been there… at least not to me.
The signs by the road offer a clear choice: North, or South. I could go one way, or the other. But the sky! The sky is simply an invitation to drink in the light. There is no direction other than immersion. There is no other option than to dance!
But, first, I have to look up. I absolutely must not become stuck in the dark. – DEREK
God is our protection and source of strength.
Psalm 46
He is always ready to help us in times of trouble.
So we are not afraid…
Hi Derek, I feel your pain regarding your dear Mom. But, there is nothing else you can do…the rest is up to dear Grace. You could have a circus performing, Frank Sinatra singing, etc., It’s all up to her, she’s the one who’s conflicted, and it won’t change today, tomorrow, or ever. Only benefit from this is on you and Rebekah, Grace is safe, nourished, clean and not alone.
I understand your thoughts and feelings completely. Don’t beat-up on yourself, the Lord is in control…and it don’t get any better than that.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Diana Craig
Thanks Diana – you said it perfectly. Keep praying!!
I experienced many emotions while my parents lived in assisted living. It was a heartache for me, I felt I was putting them aside. But, my sister and I couldn’t handle their needs any longer, physically and mentally.I relied on God to take over, and the staff to take care of them, plus, I emotionally felt free of the burden, if I may admit, not sounding selfish. My visiting them was good and bad, just like with your Mom. Letting go is not easy, but necessary. My Dad yelled, walked out and became abusive to Mom eventually, and had to be put in another facility. It wasn’t easy, it’s a heartache and causes sleepless nights. Your Mom is smart and knows you love her, and that the Lord is with her.. She wants to let you know how she feels, which makes her feel better! So, rest easy, my friend, Jesus is there, and truthfully, the Best is yet to Come..
Hugs to you, your Mom and Rebekah
You said it well that Grace’s perception is her reality. It may help her to just hear you validate it using her same words. “I hear you saying you miss Dad. I am sorry you are no longer in your house. The food here is not as good as mine.” You may not convince her things are good, no need to try, but she will know she was heard. Bless you, Sandy
God, is with you, Derek. Pat and I moved back to SC 23 years ago to care for our Mothers. It wasn’t easy, but it was what GOD wanted us to do. Bless you.