So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus.

Ephesians 2:7

Today – and because I hear stories about this all the time – I am going to offer some thoughts around how “the power of love” can be a source of pain as well as its more popular configuration, gladness and delight.

We often talk about what an amazing force for healing and good love is, and how love defeats hate the way light eradicates darkness. It’s all true, but love can also be responsible for some of the greatest pain people endure. Because love is costly too, and at times that cost can be beyond extreme.

I started thinking about this recently when – in addition to this season of grief – I learned the story of someone who, because they are loved so deeply, has the power not only to hurt but to destroy.

Intentional or not, the effect is wounding, deep and painful. Spouse, children, family, friends; people who can’t help themselves but to love can be reduced to the agony of grief. Penetrating inconsolable hurt because of the actions, the disregard, the lostness, of the person they love and rely on so much.

And the only way to disarm such power – I told my friend – is to stop caring.

But of course it is impossible to make the choice to “not care” in the face of such authentic love. Or, I should say, impossible in the moment. The ultimate tragedy is when the people who are hurt so deeply finally stop caring (mostly in order to protect themselves); it is then that the final damage is done.

Hope and mercy?

But then the amazing thing – the thing that is rooted in hope and grace and mercy – is that there is a love that is so much greater than ours! There is a love that has the power to heal those who are being hurt, and to heal those doing the hurting.

When we surrender to God’s perfect love, then love will show us the way out of the pain – and this is true on both sides of the equation.

O perfect Love, all human thought transcending,
Lowly we kneel in prayer before Thy throne,
That theirs may be the love which knows no ending,
Whom Thou forevermore dost join in one.

Dorothy Gurney (1883)

This is good news because we – that’s me, and you, as well as the people who are both perpetrating and experiencing such pain – all have access to real healing and mercy through the work of Jesus, and the Spirit of God.

Of course, the surrender part is not easy, because it involves humbling ourselves and relinquishing our stubborn, prideful need for control – or the illusion of control.

“But God is so rich in mercy, and he loved us so much,” Paul continues, “that even though we were dead because of our sins, he gave us life when he raised Christ from the dead... For he raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of his grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all he has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus (Ephesians 2:4-7).

Now that, my friends, is some good news, whoever you happen to be in this story! – DEREK