May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit

Romans 15:13

Okay. So I have been wrestling with some stuff and I thought it might be helpful to share in my blog. Essentially, it’s my tendency to second-guess myself – especially when I teach.

Here’s the circumstance. I help to facilitate a men’s Bible-study at our church and it has grown into a strong cohort of really good people. Our group has picked up a community vibe and we have guys from several area churches.

Here’s the struggle. I am wide open when it comes to my own questions and convictions. I love Jesus and try to live as a disciple, but I hold beliefs and air opinions that do not necessarily fit tidily with either conservative or progressive slants. Fact is, I have been a serious thinker since I was probably twelve years old and I am always learning and sifting and rethinking. Sometimes I reverse myself, or contradict something I have recently said.

I am okay with the fact that I am still “a work in progress.” I believe this kind of constant reevaluation is good for both my brain and my soul. What gives me pause, however, is the fact that – by sitting at the end of the table and having the white-board behind me – I occupy a position of tacit authority.

This is Tarboro, which means these guys are polite and they give me a lot of grace… but I do not want to abuse that generosity.

My struggle then is with myself. I believe it is important that a teacher is candid and transparent, that I reveal “the inner workings” so to speak… but at the same time I am conscious that I am “standing on holy ground,” that the room where we meet is very much a thin place and that standing on this ground is a privilege.

In thinking out loud (which is how I have always blogged in this space), I find myself tempted to turn this into a book-length writing project, and come up with something titled, “This I Believe,” or “Lord Help My Unbelief.” Then once it is all written down I could stand back and see just how far off track I am drifting!

I will finish this post by paraphrasing my final thoughts from this morning: I believe that every religion in the world has emerged from an honest engagement with the idea of “The Holy.” But I see Jesus as The Answer to the failure of religion to reconcile humankind and God. So I will always invite people, no matter their culture or their religion, to follow Jesus.

To that point, I believe that many “Christians” are also lost in a religion or an ideology – and they too neither know nor follow Jesus.

The key word here is Jesus. The key decisions we must make are all around following Jesus. I often stumble all over myself when I try to say this. I know I did in Bible-study today.

Next week I will stumble again. But that’s okay. Because Jesus comes with a lot of grace, all the grace that I need – DEREK