May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.

1 Thessalonians 5:23-24

I haven’t written much about food lately. It’s probably because I have been so distracted in terms of focus that I’m just throwing meals together without the usual passion.

But Monday afternoon, close to beside myself in terms of elder care angst, it occurred to me that the most helpful thing to do would be to A) invest myself in an afternoon of serious cooking, and B) invite just myself and Rebekah to the dinner table once I was done!

So I made pasta from scratch. If you remember from last time it’s a simple but labor intensive process. Just two cups of self-rising flour, two eggs, and a couple of tablespoons of water. Then a whole lot of kneading till the dough is plastic enough to roll out and cut into fine angel hair pasta.

Once it dries properly angel hair cooks in around 60-90 seconds (do this at the very last moment) in boiling water.

The Alfredo sauce also requires a lot of attention. Again, very simple, but needing a lot of finesse to get the result just right.

This time I served my pasta with extra large jumbo shrimp, sautéed with red onions, garlic, butter, lemon juice, and capers. I added green beans on the side.

I have to tell you the whole food preparation experience was at least somewhat helpfully therapeutic.

Why the angst?

In answer to your obvious question, the angst I am carrying is in response to the fact that there are no satisfactory solutions to my mother’s slowly progressing situation.

I am doing everything possible to honor her desire for independence, while at the same time providing safety nets. As a general rule I am able to be in and out of her house all day. The challenge comes when I’m not available and mum doesn’t like the alternative arrangements.

I understand that I am doing my best for someone who is – ultimately – still responsible for her own decisions. The moment I chose to impose solutions – solutions my mother does not want – will absolutely come with costs and consequences none of us want to face if at all possible.

So I will continue to walk this precariously balanced tightrope (or, more accurately, plank!) and we will go on vacation later this week grateful for the help of the care agency in the mornings and mum’s friends who are coming to see her every evening.

But the angst remains. And likely will until something tips the scale in one way… or the other.

Peace – in every way – DEREK